Party Time!

Peeper is a whole year old! One whole year she has blessed our lives. She had a pool party this weekend. It was a lot of fun. I have no pictures to prove this however. I brought the camera, only I left the batteries in the van. And its really hard when you are the only adult to leave the kids to go and get them. Or I could have taken the kids down the four flights of hotel stairs for the 50th time that day. I'll just get grandpa to email some.

While I am on the topic of being mom and dad, I'll share an interesting observation I have made. I am in the pool with little Peeper and the Tiny Maniac is paddling around me in her little life jacket. The others are pretty much self sufficient in the water. But all within reach if need be. The pool is literally crawling with children. All in the pool with their fathers. NO MOMS. The moms were all sitting on the poolside. Chatting, reading, maybe even taking pictures ( the ones who remembered batteries anyway). Why is this? Was it like this for me when Mr. Maker and I were married? I would have missed out on so much if I was sitting reading a book.

And there is the bright side of being a single parent.

The most recent picture of myself is two years old because you can't be in the pictures when you are the one taking them. And when one kid has something on, we all go because there is only one person to drive. Sometimes a whole day will pass and I will realize I haven't even seen or spoken to another adult. There are times when I feel like I would kill for adult company. But if there was someone else to take little Peeper in the pool I may have passed it up. I may have taken that time to read the paper, a real luxury for someone as short on time as me. But I would have missed out on that experience. One that I will never have back. Her first little birthday party. Being mom and dad has forced me to be really hands on. Totally in the moment. While reading is perhaps the thing I miss the most, I'm sure I will have years to read. And chat and do adult things. But a first birthday party comes only once. The same is true of the first day of school, the first recital, the first loose tooth. I have realized I don't want to miss any of it. Not for any book in the world.

Hard Pill To Swallow

So...lately I have been reflecting on things that I should not be wasting my time reflecting on. I have had a hard time with the realization that " he was just not that into me". You know the expression. It is really hard when it applies to someone you have spent over a year and a half with. Someone whom you loved with all of yourself.

There really is no other explanation for it. Anyone who is "into" the other person in a relationship will make time for them. Once I realized this, while it was painful, really set me free. It took the responsibility off me. I realized no matter what I did I couldn't make someone feel something for me that wasn't there. So what I was faced with was an impossible situation. A one sided arrangement where the party with feelings involved (me) would inevitably be hurt. Run girl! Too bad I hadn't figured it out sooner.

Lesson learned.

Now I am so done with everything my relationship with the Big Fat Liar has thrown at me. When he drove by my house today, really slowly and stalker-like I waved. Nothing inside me felt anything. I waved as I would to anyone else going by. Yay me! And that my friends, is closure.

WTF

Holy crap! Over a month and no new blog entries? That is just terrible.

I will try to be a better blogger.
I will try to be a better blogger.
I will try to be a better blogger.

So much has happened in the last month that I have a wealth of new stuff to blog about. What to blog about first?