It would appear that I have started a new life without even realizing it. Last night I was thinking about the fact that it was already February 22nd, 2010. All the time spent away with Deklan slipped through my fingers ever so quickly. His life went by in a blink. And now, since being back, I haven't quite adjusted to that missing time. I keep thinking Halloween should be coming. Its hard to grasp that while I was gone advocating for him, time passed. Seasons changed. Life here had continued and changed and so had I. I came back different somehow.
He made me a stronger person. A better mother. And if I had been given the opportunity, a more loving life partner. It is amazing how having him for the short time I did turned my life upside down. How someone so small could have such a huge impact on the world around him. I realized the change within myself, but being so busy with the kids I didn't take a good look around at everything until very recently. Somehow he snuck into my life and took out every part that wasn't working. My life now is almost unrecognizable from what it was.
Ten months ago I was working outside the home. I was in a committed relationship. I felt like I was drowning in a sea too deep with responsibilities. I wonder if he felt the stress while he was growing inside of me.
Now I am at home full time. Working and even teaching from home. The life that has emerged is one much calmer. My house is full of happy laughing children. The lessons he taught me about love and life are invaluable. The surprising thing about it all is that I didn't consciously change anything. Everything just fell into place. He planted this little seed of love that is now blossoming into a beautiful life.