Adventures in L & D

No. I have no baby to show for my night in the hospital last night. But I did have an adventure, let me tell you.

First, I'm quite sure this baby may at this point be far too comfortable and has decided to stay in indefinitely. Well, it threatens to come giving me an evenings worth of time able contractions, which play me out and I give in to sleep, only to wake up and have them gone.

So for the last couple of days I've been feeling off. Headache, blurry vision, weakness, all stuff I've never experienced in pregnancy and can actually be a sign of trouble. I decided after toughing it out the first day to call in to labour and delivery last night. The nurse said it can be indicative of a problem and all it would take is a few minutes on the monitor and a blood pressure and urine test to know for sure. But here's the kicker....hour and a half drive to get there. I thought to myself that if something were actually wrong or the baby was under some kind of stress, I'd never be able to live with myself not checking it out because it was too long of a drive. (Mothers would drive to the ends of the earth for their kids, so really what's an hour and a half, right?) That and it was an excuse for The Lumber Guy to eat a Macdonald's burger.

Everything checks out, the baby is really inactive, which it has been for a few days now, but no big deal. The nurse pretty much says everything is ok but lets wait for your doc to see you since she's on call and is coming in anyway. She also says you're only a finger tip dilated but the dr might want to check you herself. Ok this story is getting way too long. On to speedy version now... Dr comes, says you're 2 to 3 so we'll keep you for the night. Baby does what it has been doing, plays the yep I'm gonna come tonight, I do a few laps around L & D, get tired, go to sleep, wake up, nothing. Very depressing. Dr comes back this morning, and this is where the real fun begins. She tells me I'm about a 3 to 4 and I have two options. A) She can try to rupture membranes, or put me on a drip to augment labour and come back and break water at noon. B) I can go home.

Do I want to have my baby today? Heck yes! Do I want to slide down that slippery slope of intervention? Not a chance! I can see how a woman would go for this. After a week of stop.start.stop.start. it would be nice to have it over and hold my lovely little baby. But I just could not willingly sign myself up for that. I've never had my water broken before, or a drip. I have no idea what that would be like for me. What I do know is that I have been able to birth 5 babies naturally without any drugs or interventions. And I don't say this like I'm some kind of hero. I just know that I'm capable of doing it, and to tell you the truth the other option scares the living daylights out of me. I don't know how my body would tolerate an unknown medication. Maybe I couldn't weather the storm of contractions without my bag of water intact. I opted to come home and see what my body decided to do.

And it was not the decision the dr thought I should be making. She actually said, well I'm not on call anymore so I won't be following you around, and, I guess you want to have your baby in the ambulance.

I guess this didn't fit into her schedule as nicely as she would have liked. The nurse was super supportive. She told me she's only been a L&D nurse for 4 years but she's seen it a lot. One thing turns into another and you end up pushing your body to do something its not ready to do and all too many times the end result is a section.

So here I sit, blogging, and doing dishes and laundry and getting to spend the day with my little Peeper and Poopypants. I could have been hooked up to a IV all morning. Maybe I'd have had the baby by now. Maybe it wouldn't have been that bad. But I love where I am right now. I'm happy and comfortable, and I hope that means the baby is too.

P.S. Well not too comfortable you little stinker. You still need to come out and meet us.

Riding The Wave

Yes I'm still riding my hormone high, and it has enabled me to crank out another finished bedroom. Well, technically its not finished. The Lumber Guy still has to finish putting on switch plate and outlet covers and take down some painter's tape for me, and my darling little HannaBanana will have to decorate as she sees fit, as its her room. She is the sweetest girl. I found her many collections of shells, rocks, and animal figurines when cleaning up. And the Webkinz....oh those Webkinz. They are like children to her. She has made them clothes and toys and even takes them to school. I set up an old pantry which became Peeper's closet for a while, as her Webkinz display spot. (The green and white thing in the corner.) In all of this craziness of cleaning and organizing I am finding new love for my old house.

The Nesting Insanity

After, which because of my very limited computer skills is first.

Before (quite embarrassing really)

I am definitely a woman gone mad, or, well that's how I feel lately. I have literally been at a flat out run around this house for almost a week. I just finished up work last Saturday, and thought, ah time to relax til this baby comes. Wait a minute...that was my easy job. I got paid for it too! Since then I have been twice as busy. I realized that I was nowhere close to having this house the way I wanted to have it before the baby came. And its funny how every. single. stitch. of. bedding. suddenly had to be washed again. Oh what hormones will do to you.

And I must say that physically I feel wonderful. My sensible little bean of a baby decided to turn head down and since then its been smooth sailing. The kids are all getting along pretty well too. That's always such a happy surprise when it happens. They've been to the pool every night for the past six night, with the exception of last night. (storm) But we had eye appointments in the city anyway, so it kind of worked out. That brings me to the next bit of my nesting insanity.

I've never been a real 'material' person. But lately I haven't felt prepared in the way of having all the 'stuff' needed for a new baby. Weird considering there have been five before. So while in the city I ended up spending an obscene amount of moolah. Now, however, I am ready. Bedroom painted, furniture moved, crib set up, bedding and baby clothes washed, coming home outfit bought, washed and packed, natural baby products stocked. I even bought a smaller size of diaper wraps for my prefolds so I can start using cloth diapers sooner than with Peeper. I will wait till we get past that messy meconium though. Now I just want to get the rest of the house in order, if that's possible. And maybe even have some meals and baking in the freezer and ready. It may be overly ambitious but I am gonna ride this hormone high as far as it will take me and get done as much as I can.

M.I.A.

I have definitely been missing in action lately. And there has been quite a lot of action around here as there always is. I have gone through a real nesting spree and did get a lot cleaned out, organised, donated and dumped. But now the nesting instinct is overpowered by a severe lack of energy. I usually end up going to bed at the same time as the last of the kids, around 9:30pm. Working, or raising 5, or being pregnant, on their own, totally manageable...but put them together and its a recipe for exhaustion. But I'm exhausted in a good way. At the end of the day I feel like I've accomplished something, really done something.

I'm really missing the care that only a midwife can give this time around. Yesterday was my routine appointment with the OB. I happened to be 30 weeks exactly. She felt around and told me the baby is breech. All my others were head down right from the beginning, so this was new to me, but what floored me was her very one sided, close minded opinion on it. She said, ' I book you C-Section, one day before, we scan you and baby may have turned.' WTF!?! Is this something I'm just supposed to accept? Are you kidding me? To have gone through 5 natural un medicated vaginal births and then this? I started asking a bunch of questions. All of which were basically brushed off or shut down. She even told me that DR.s don't do versions anymore because they're too risky. And had I not asked, I doubt she would have brought it up. But I do have some time before I need to worry. From what I understand babies are still quite flippy at this stage. I did go online and find some exercises to encourage the baby to turn. And if I go back to her in two weeks and the baby hasn't turned, I'm going to ask for a referral to another Dr. Better to find someone a little more open minded earlier than before I'm right down to the wire. Versions are still done in the next city which is 4 hours away, but worth looking into. I'm not the meek little thing I once was. I'm going to explore every option available to me. And I'm gonna give my doc the benefit of the doubt because she wasn't even supposed to be in the office that day. Maybe she was just tired and didn't have time to talk. She's been studying and writing exams, but the doc that took on her patients while she was away got sick. Maybe she realizes its still early, but has that prepare for the worst kind of take on things. I don't know what her story is, but I know mine, and in the end I'll be doing what is best for me.

I have also met with a lot of opinion about my decision to add another child to my already large family. As far as I'm concerned love multiplies. Large families are not for everyone, but I know what I can handle. And yes, my time will be occupied even more, but that just means I have to be more efficient and organised. I'm willing and excited to do both. And I have a loving and supportive partner doing more to make my life easier. It just wears me down when it comes from people close to me. And no one should ever say to a child that their mother is not going to have enough time for them when their new sibling comes. That is just plain wrong. While cleaning out my basement a couple of weeks ago I found a glass frame with the word 'Strength' that I had not unpacked since moving. I have a lot of nice things I have not put up because I've been waiting to paint. This was a gift and it had been displayed on a shelf in my rental, before I bought my house. I loved it. It had a red flower and the Chinese strength symbol as well. Upon pulling it out of its box I noticed it was cracked in two places. At first I was upset because I really did like it and I wanted to be able to hang it back up. I couldn't put up this less than perfect keepsake on freshly painted walls. But then I really looked at it. What a metaphor for life, my life. Strength was misplaced but was found again, and cracked but not broken. It means more now to me than it ever did. Someone was looking out for me once again and showed me what I needed to see.

Something Cute to Share

Sizing each other up.

Miscellaneous Life

So my son just came up from playing in the basement quietly for some time...dressed in a ladies' hat and vest. Hilarious. Life is always amusing around here. We do have quite a selection of dress up clothes down there. All he needed to complete the outfit was the pink stilettos. Poor guy. It would be nice to bring home a little blue bundle this time around. There is just something so special about the way little boys love their mommies. But either would be nice. I've really never had a preference for one over the other any time I've been pregnant.

This time around I didn't get a midwife. Not by choice, but apparently there are a lot of July babies coming this year, and they're booked right up. I'm still holding out hope that maybe I'll make it far enough up the waiting list though. In the meantime, I have an OB that seems to do the trick. I fall in love with this child even more every day.

My dear HannaBanana just got out of the tub and I ragged her hair, just like my mom used to rag mine. She is such a beautiful spirit. A little peace maker.

The tiny maniac has been beading up a storm this weekend. We bought a set of beads and clasps. Even PoopyPants made a bracelet for one of his girl friends at school. All I could think was look at this kid now! This is the guy that the teacher wanted to keep in kindergarten. That couldn't hold scissors or a pencil 'properly'. He has come such a long way, stringing tiny beads onto wire. It was hard for me to go against the advice of the principal and the teachers, and say I was going to go with instinct and have faith in my child. He proves everyday he was ready for the challenge and change grade one brought.

This post has taken a long time with little Peeper on my knee. Her job is pressing the space bar. Not that this post really had a purpose to it. Mostly I am just hiding out so I don't have to watch curling...again.

Why I Love The Lumber Guy

There is someone that I seldom speak of, yet he is an important part of my very interesting life. Its easy with the pace of life here being what it is to forget to mention him. And we did go through a really rough patch about a year ago. But somehow we managed to come through it stronger than ever.

We met officially about two and a half years ago. He was around the same age as Mr. Maker, so he was always somewhat of an acquaintance, as everyone around here of the same age is bound to have mutual friends or end up at the same events. But I never really had much to do with Mr. Makers' activities or friends. I was fresh on the heels of my separation and at that point I was just trying to keep busy. I went down to the lumberyard in town to buy paint for the house. And that's when we officially met/spoke. A week or so later he happened into my place of work and we had something to talk about...paint. I know, how very boring, right? But it was an excuse for conversation I guess. He gave me his number in that high school reminiscent way and I jokingly texted it, asking, "Isn't the guy supposed to get the girl's number?" I sometimes wonder if he was totally crazy for pursuing me, knowing I was a newly single mother of four with one on the way. But I see now that he saw something that took me longer to acknowledge. We never had that butterfly/love at first sight kind of thing. But I've always been able to tell him everything, and I mean absolutely everything. He has definitely seen the worst of me. I'd like to think that I've seen the worst of him too. And yet we still value and accept each other for who we are.

Even when it was really bad between us we still talked. I know that if I ever needed anything, he'd be there for me. And he really has been. For the little makers too. They never have to walk to school. And I don't have to get the little ones bundled up and take them out in the frigid cold. He leaves work to come and take them to school. And bring them home for lunch. And take them back after. He also without asking has taken to clearing the table after supper and loading the dishwasher. It is such a big help because the bedtime ritual for five is quite time consuming. To get everyone in bed and then not having the supper mess to clean up is such a luxury. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a partner in life. Not a playmate, not someone to answer to, but someone to live along side. We are like an old married couple, even though we technically don't live together. I joke because people in this town like to talk. If they could see just how scandalous our life is...our evenings spent of him watching hockey and me folding laundry.

I realized again just how much I love him when he left to go on a 4 day golf/hockey holiday with a friend. His presence around the house is missed. Seeing him so happy and excited to get away warmed my heart. He's been working really hard, taking on extra projects at work, and extra here with me being sick. He really deserved to go away. Instead of going for coffee at work this week he built the Tiny Maniac a dollhouse book case, like we'd seen at Costco. He's thoughtful like that. And he supports my crazy ideas in life, even though we are two different people.

Its not passionate or exciting, but the thought of our comfortable, stable, loving future together in itself is exciting to me.