Is there anything more sad...

Than a broken heart at Christmas?

There is no part of me right now that could even fathom being in a relationship again. Giving my heart to someone else after having it absolutely ripped out first by the death of my darling boy, and then again by having someone I loved and relied on bailing on me, seems like an impossibility. But it would appear that is not the case when it comes to the other half of this newly departed relationship. It seems that The LumberGuy is already working on something else.

I never would have known, as I have had sick little makers in the house for the past few weeks and last night my poor little Peeper had to be taken to the city to see a doctor, but again *someone* must have been looking out for me. Somehow, and it seems like such a long shot, but he happened to accidentally send a text message meant for said new interest to Mr. Maker. How in the world? Anyway Mr. Maker forwarded it to me and when I asked The LumberGuy about it at first he lied, but then told me the truth.

And here is the really amazing part. I was not angry! Not in the least. I was upset that when I had told him our little dolly had to be taken to the doc he chose to go curling because that was his plan and he told me he was too drunk to keep the kids and wasn't interested in making the hour and a half drive on the snowy winter roads with me. I was upset because being a parent is 24/7, not just when its convenient or there is nothing else to do. But about the fact that he stayed and curled and drank some more, and sent text messages to another girl at 11pm I was not. Mostly I feel sad...for him. Is this how he is trying to heal his broken heart?

Being on my own right now is hard. Really hard. But it is making me so very strong. I am here for the sick little makers. I am feeling all the feelings without dulling them with alcohol. I have been blessed with the clarity to see my failed relationship for what it is. And when I feel sad I seem to get yet another reminder that while extremely hard, it really is for the best.

Tonight, instead of being upset that The Lumberguy's family didn't invite the kids or I over to exchange presents and when he came to give them to the kids could not get out of here fast enough to go to the party at this 'alleged' interest's house, I am fine. Happy to be here baking banana bread and cleaning up wrapping paper. Usually the Scorpio in me would be furious, but I can honestly say that is not the case.

I am blessed. (See photo below.Lol.)